My Happy Place

About a week ago I made up my mind that I was going to post my kitchen TODAY. Why today? Well, I thought I needed to set a goal for myself or I would never "finish" my kitchen. My poor kitchen gets dumped on, it is triple duty as kitchen, laundry room and project/craft room. And, of course, since we have a nice big breakfast bar it is also the dumping ground for everything! I have been working in my kitchen for last few days and had to kick it in to high gear today but I got it done. So here I am posting at 12:08 a.m. Tuesday like the crazy loon that I am! Does it count that it is technically Tuesday now?? Oh well, got it done so.........good enough!!
I finally- after a year of living here- decided to decorate above my cabinets. I am not 100% happy with the way the area turned out but I never have been good at accessorizing. It works for now- any suggestions??
This picture didn't turn out well. I really like the rustic baskets with the glass and crystal pieces. The painting is another one that Marc's late Grandfather had painted. This particular one is my absolute favorite one................

This side I decided to do all of my milk glass. I have started a collection and hopefully it will continue to grow. More paintings from Marc's late Grandfather, an old chippy picture frame from the flea market, one of my red and white china plates, a couple of old Ball jars and another old dish of Evelyn's......................

Ahhh..... my favorite "possession"........... my range. 6 gas burners with BTU's varying from 600- 15,000. This baby makes me feel like Emeril in a skirt. Too bad my skill level isn't comparable!! We had purchased this range before we moved back into an apartment (as well as a dishwasher) so I was thrilled when we found out we were allowed to bring our appliances. She would have been very hard for me to leave behind...................

This is the view from the laundry area into the dining room area. There is the bar that is always cluttered but I cleared it for the pictures and I am hoping it stays that way! HA HA HA My Aunt Debbie made the rug that is in front of my sink. She is the Aunt that has her own Etsy store now Fruit of My Hands . She made it for me as a wedding gift and I have decorated my kitchen around it ever since..................

Refrigerator side.............still waiting on my stainless steel one.......... this poor thing looks a little out of place. Too bad we can't paint the cabinets or those things would have been white months ago!!

Okay, through a doorway is my laundry room/pantry. It is very small- as is the rest of my kitchen- so functionality, maximizing storage and organization has been a big priority. I can not believe I am going to show you this but............... here it is..................... this is the side above the washer......

I keep all of my cleaning supplies in here as well as cleaning rags, dishtowels, dirty towel bin, etc. Don't really want the kids messing with all of that stuff! Here is the side above the dryer.........

All medicine and first aid items are in here because the kitchen is protected by a gate to keep the kids out at all times. They have free rein of the rest of the apartment so it is safest here! Some of my favorite cookbooks are here too for quick and easy access.

And my most recent project...................I am SO happy about my new spice racks!! I had my cousin pick up some spice jars at IKEA a few months ago because I wanted something prettier than the ugly plastic containers the spices come in. He told me he would be more than happy to pick them up for me and then when I told him how many I needed he thought I was joking. 72 spice jars- he had to get an entire flat and then didn't even know if they would fit in the car!!! I bought some twine and some little key tags this weekend and labeled them all and they look so cute! Then, today I hung up the racks and put all of my spices in- alphabetically, of course! I was so excited! And the shelves didn't fall off the wall!!!! Wahoo!!

Here is a closer shot of both sides................ the picture in the middle of both racks is of my Grandmother and her mother and all of her sisters in their kitchen when my Grandmother was in her late teens!

I don't know if you can make out the picture but one is making a pie, one is doing dishes, one is doing the laundry......... how cool! All in the kitchen! Oh, I guess I do that now. hmmm

This is my pot rack that hangs above my laundry doorway. No, we do not hit our heads on it. Thank God for 10 foot ceilings!! It was the only wall space we had and since we have limited cabinet space this rack was a necessity......... See my toile curtains? When we have company over I can close them up and hide my mess!!

My kitchen does not have a window and under the cabinets seems really dark. I wanted to do something to lighten it up. I tried painting faux tiles but it ended up looking really country. So, I took these iron grates and painted them white. I like how they turned out. They definitely make the area feel brighter. My little canisters are from Wal-Mart!! I bought them because they look vintage and remind me of some my grandma used to have- the lids even make the same noise when you bump them against something!

So, that's my kitchen! I am so glad I finished it! I feel lighter and it feels cleaner! Speaking of clean................... I think I forgot to mop the floor.

I love my kitchen. I spend a lot of time in this room so it needed to be practical and pretty. I really would love to have white cabinets but these will work. They don't bug me too badly!! This is my favorite place in our home with my balcony being a close second place. I am sure I will fluff and tweak as I often do but for now it is done.

One more thing off the To Do list!

Have a great day everyone!!!

~Heather :)

I'VE BEEN TAGGED!!! And Flea Market Finds

Today was a fun day! Marc and the kids and I went to our local flea market and had some fun! I have an antique slipper chair that is a precious family heirloom. The condition, however, is less than precious. The fabric has faded, seems have come loose, buttons are missing. I have wanted to have it reupholstered for years now but have never been able to afford the $400 plus estimates I have received. Most recently we have had it stored in the basement of the house we still own. Well, the basement flooded and even though the chair was not sitting on the ground it has started to mildew. I have met a man through the flea market that does beautiful upholstery work and sewing and we took the chair to him today for an estimate. $210 including fabric!!!!!!! I was so excited. Now that probably still may sound like a lot, but to me, this chair is priceless and is a piece that I want to be able to pass down to my children. He is redoing everything down to the springs and restaining the legs even! He told me it should take about 5 weeks so I will be counting down to see the final result. I can't believe I forgot to get a before picture though!! Man!
While we were there we decided to look around a bit. Oh I found bargains!!
Look at these pretty treasures...............

I have no idea what this dish is but the possibilities are endless! How fun!

I love this white glass................. so cottage looking...........

I have been looking for these bud vases ever since I saw Kimba's post with all of her pretty flowers...................

These I liked because they have little grape clusters on them................

I love the way the light comes through these pieces...................

Okay, now for the shocker. Are ya'll wondering how much I paid??? $7 !!! As in EVERYTHING............ ALL of this stuff for $7.00. I was SO excited!! I feel like I got a bargain and it is all so cute. Now, hopefully someone will bring me flowers so I can fill my new vases!! :)

he he he

After the Flea Market we had dinner at Bob Evan's and then went grocery shopping. I will tell ya it was not all that fun. We tried a different store than we normally go to. This place was so disorganized, messy, dirty. We could not find anything and the kids were getting tired. I am sure you all know how that ended up. Now I appreciate the fact that my husband always does the grocery shopping on his way home from work even more. I am so spoiled!!

Okay, now for the fun part! I have been tagged by Brenda at The Brenda Blog . She is such a sweetheart. Brenda does not think she leads a glamorous life but I enjoy her blog so much!!!

Here are the rules:

1. Link back to the person who tagged you.

2. Post these rules on your blog.

3. Share six unimportant things about yourself.

4. Tag people at the end of your entry.

Alright.......... 6 unimportant things about me. Just six?? Oh I could so go over on this one!

1. I guess the first thing would be that I don't believe that there are "unimportant" things about anyone. Crazy little tidbits maybe, but not unimportant. All the little things is what adds up to make everyone who they are. I am a lover. One thing that really upsets me is when people judge others without trying to get to know them first. I think people get hung up on the little things or outside appearances and fail to see the beauty that lies in each of us.

2. I love quotes! Some bring inspiration, some spark motivation, some make me laugh, and some cause deep thoughts and emotions. I love quotes so much that my sister made me a cute book to write down all of my favorites- and the book is filling up quickly! They can be quotes from famous people, friends and family, they can be verses from a song or verses from the Bible.

3. I am an organization freak! Some say I am OCD.....and they are probably right. I like labels out, straight lines, I organize alphabetically, I color code the clothes and shoes in my closet and I love to label everything! Organizing brings me a great sense of peace! LOL!!! This drives my husband nuts but he cooperates fully because he knows I get itchy when things are messy!!

4. I can not throw anything away. Which is probably where the need for organization comes from!! My husband tells me I have a sentimental attachment to everything! I have saved every picture my children have ever made, cards, even scraps of fabric. I always think I can find a use for that later- and I usually do. My husband and I were organizing my jewelry in new caddies not long ago and he came across something and said "What is this? Are you kidding me? You still have this?" When Marc and I were dating and getting serious he wrapped a bunch of thin copper wire together to make a ring. (He is in maintenance work ya know) He slipped it on my finger and told me that he wanted to put a diamond on that finger someday. He stayed true to his word but I had to keep that little copper ring! To me it is just as priceless as the diamond I have worn for the last five years.

5. I love doing laundry but I am terrible at putting it away. I love how my apartment fills with the smell of my laundry soap and dryer sheets as the machines are busy doing their job. I have to have Oxyclean on hand at all times or I freak out. Oxyclean is my friend and with it by my side there is no stain we can't handle! But once the clothes come out of the dryer and go into the basket............. they usually stay there until we start digging for clothes or risk going nakey! I am awful about that! Putting laundry away has been a New Years resolution for the last.........way too many years! Oops! (I think I need your help Brenda!)

6. I am crazy about kitchen everything...........pots and pans, gadgets, my range, fresh produce- everything. It has become an obsession. At last count I have 68 spices (and bought 4 new ones today). I love to cook, and bake and try new recipes all of the time (although we still have our regular favorites). And I love to create new recipes too. I spend hours playing around with different spices and ingredients to come up with something. I used to tell my husband it was a Martha Stewart recipe and if he didn't like it I was off the hook- but if he did like it I would fess up. I can't use Martha anymore as he has caught on so I just tell him "I tried something new." Domino's is on speed dial just in case!!

Well, there's my six. Talk about glamorous, huh?? he he Now you are probably sitting in front of your computer thinking "This chick needs some professional help!"

Here is who I am tagging:

Jo from To A Pretty Life I adore Jo's blog. She is beautiful and oh so talented! I love how sincere and open she is in her posts. She doesn't find herself funny but I beg to differ. And with talent like hers she doesn't really need to be funny anyways! She seems like such a sweetheart so I would love to get to know her more.

Rue from Rue's Peanut Butter & Jelly Life I met Rue through HGTV's RMS and I love her! She was the inspiration for me to start this blog and she held my virtual hand while I was getting it up and running. She has a kind heart, an old soul, and she is an incredible decorator. I have gotten to know her over the last few months but am just itching to know more.

Rhonda from Scooterblu's Whimsey Another lovely person! Rhonda is such a dear and I love hitting her blog daily as well. She has sucked me in with talk of tractor pulls and vintage items......... I am, after all , a country girl living in the city. She has a gorgeous home and a super

personality!

So go pay these ladies a visit- you will enjoy it! Thank You Brenda for my first "TAG" How fun! Hope I didn't screw it up!! :)

Have a great weekend everyone!

~Heather :)

The Last Few Days

Tuesday evening we met my sister partway to drop Kyle off so that he could spend a few days with her. He hopped up in her SUV and was happily waving goodbye to us! I was surprised but happy that it was an easy send-off. He was excited about his adventure and I......... was missing him already as I watched my sister's SUV get further and further from my sight. We decided to go to Bob Evan's for dinner as it was right across the street. Marc had ordered a salad with his meal and when it arrived he started picking the cherry tomatoes off (Have ya seen the V8 commercial where the wife biffs her husband on the head?) He asked me if I wanted them and I started crying. Kyle always eats the cherry tomatoes off our salads! Oh Heather- pull it together! You can do this! I cried off and on all night, missing him something awful. We talked to him at bedtime and sang his prayer with him- I held it together until we hung up. I cried again when, out of habit, I went in to check on him before turning into bed and saw his empty little bed. Oh my goodness! I am one of those moms! Those clingy, overprotective moms that other moms make fun of!
Tuesday night I hardly slept- maybe an hour all night. I think I woke up around 4:30, started the coffee and got ready for our big day. We arrived at the hospital on time and surprisingly enough we didn't have to wait long. They were right on schedule. We took Bella back to the pre-op room and filled out more paperwork, spoke to the doctor, the anesthesiologist and the nurses. We dressed Bella in her gown and she threw a fit when we tried to remove her Dora sandals. The doctor and anesthesiologist agreed that it would be okay for her to leave them on during surgery!! Bella LOVES these sandals and the only time we can take them off of her is at bath time. She even wears them to bed!! The doctor let her take her bear and kitty into surgery with her as well for comfort. Marc and I were allowed to walk clear to the operating room door before passing her off to the doctor, who she didn't seem to mind going to!
After 15 minutes the doctor came in to the waiting room and said that he was done, everything went extremely well, he was able to get the tubes in both ears and he was even able to drain off all of the fluid behind her eardrum. That was good news!! Five minutes after that they called us back to see Bella in recovery. We walked into the room and as soon as I saw her I started laughing. She was already sitting up in bed! They told us that that was very unusual as kids are usually laying down and very fussy. Bella was groggy but she was drinking well and looking around. Most people would probably think I was terrible but I snapped a couple of pictures of her. This was, after all, a big day for her! We are going to look back at this and say "Remember when she had her tubes put in that enabled her to hear? And how wonderful it was because her speech improved?" A part of her history- it needed documented. Look at her face though!! She looks like she is mad enough to hurt somebody!! LOL!! She was still groggy from the anesthesia and ticked off because she wanted her hospital bracelet off her wrist! Apparently since it didn't have any jewels on it she didn't think she should have to wear it!

When I saw her face all I wanted to do was pick her up and cuddle with her and tell her how great she did and how proud I was of her for being so brave. But there she sat, staring at that doctor that just poked her in the ears!!! I wonder what she was thinking at that moment. Then again- maybe I don't want to know!

We didn't have to wait long before we could take her home. We stopped at McDonald's to get some breakfast as she was starving! We got her a plain bagel but she wanted the greasy hash browns! So, knowing that she would probably bring it back up from the anesthesia but looking at her miserable little face, I gave in. She ate the whole thing and still wanted more. Next fast food breakfast place on our route- Burger King, more hash browns. She scarfed that all down and fell asleep in the van. She never did get sick which was a great thing! She was a little moody for the rest of the day but did much better than we thought she would. She wanted to play and giggle and have fun! She took a long nap after we got home and then back to sleep for the night after a few hours. She slept very well last night. She has been a tad fussy today but is content as long as she is being cuddled- and I have NO problems doing that!

THANK YOU all for your prayers and thoughts for Bella. They mean more to me than you will ever know!

I will get around to all of you soon and thank you personally!!!! Have a great evening!!

~Heather :)

Today is the Day

Today is the day Bella gets tubes put in her ears. She is scheduled for surgery at 8:15 this morning which means we have to be at the hospital no later than seven a.m. Right now the coffee pot is making those beautiful noises- the noises you love to hear after only getting an hour of sleep. The noises that say "Relief is on the way!" I tossed and turned all night until about four this morning when I think I finally fell asleep. And here I am again. But the sun is starting to peak over the roofs of the buildings and it looks like it is going to be a beautiful sunrise. I think I will go grab a cup of coffee, sit out on my balcony and have a few minutes of prayer before the crazy day of traffic, hospital hallways and nerves kick in.
I will post later with a report. God............. stay right beside us today, ok?

~Heather :)

A Fun Weekend and House News

I had a pretty good weekend! My poor husband was on call all weekend and ended up with about 25 hours of overtime though! He is so exhausted. Saturday afternoon I got a surprise! My Aunt and Uncle showed up to surprise me for my birthday! My Aunt had made her famous lasagna (pure heaven on a fork!) and brought garlic bread, salad and homemade chocolate chip cookies for dessert! I stuffed myself like a Thanksgiving turkey! LOL!!! Of course I found it hard to move for a couple of hours but it was worth it! We had so much fun just talking and visiting with them. They didn't even leave until almost one o'clock in the morning and they had a two hour drive home!!! It was so wonderful to be able to spend time with them as I miss them and love them so much. This Aunt and Uncle have always been so special to me and we have always shared a wonderful relationship. In fact we are naming the new baby after my Aunt. They will share the same middle name of "Kay".
Sunday I decided I wanted to get out of the house for a bit so I took the kids and went to the flea market. We ran into some of our friends so we walked around together which was fun! I ended up buying some fabric from one of my favorite vendors. I couldn't believe the deal he gave me! I was getting spoiled! I needed fabric for living room curtains and throw pillows and I have had my eye on this fabric for awhile now.............


This gingham fabric will be the curtain panels and some throw pillows. It is very heavy duty fabric and is 65" wide!!! And at $3 a yard...... can we say BARGAIN??? This cute red and white fabric will be for more throw pillows............

And more pillows from the toile. This is not a cheap toile fabric but I got 4 yards for free!!! When I got home I noticed that all of the writing on the salvage edge of the fabric is written in French!! How fun is that? French toile fabric- literally!! he he he

So all 3 fabrics together........ I think they look good together. With some ball fringe and fun styles I should get that cottage look I want.

We were driving home from the flea market and the kids were quiet and content in the backseat sucking down their chocolate milkshakes when I saw a yard sale.................. and of course I stopped!!!!!! Glad I did too! I got some bargains. I picked up this mirror ($3) which will be painted either red or white..............

This little vintage white table cloth with six matching napkins ($2)............

Another vintage linen table cloth and 3 matching napkins that are hand embroidered ($2).....

A lamp, a vintage shade and a tall topiary (or ball tree as my husband calls them). Everything for $10!!!!!!! Jack-pot!! I love bargains!!

Now for the house news. The night I drove by my house and saw it was back on the market I called the realtor and left a message. Well, she called back and I talked to her today. She gave me the dreaded news. No- it has not been sold. I think that news may actually be a little easier to swallow at this point. She told me that the bank that has the house is wanting a short sale and is willing to accept any and all offers, and that this would be an opportunity to buy the house at half (or less) than it is valued at. Huh???? Oh my. I got off the phone and felt my heart sink. To think we could get the house for THAT??? I walked around in a funk again for a couple of hours and then sat down at my computer. I was reading an email and at the bottom was this quote by James Oppenheim: "The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet."

Talk about a sign! More like a smack in the face!! So I guess I need to do that thing of reevaluating my priorities and be happy being where I am and happy with what I have. I am a very blessed person- way more than I feel I deserve. Maybe I just need to forget about my house for now and count all of the blessings I do have- the ones that are right under my feet.

Enjoy your evening!

-Heather :)

My Master Bath

I thought I would share pictures of my master bathroom with you. Normally bathrooms are not my favorite place to decorate. They always seem cold no matter what I do to them. Well, I went to Wal-Mart one night to get a shower liner because I hadn't decided what I wanted to do in here yet. Turns out that I found a shower curtain that I absolutely fell in love with. Then I found the matching rings, soap holder, decorative towel and some red towels and a rug that went perfectly with the curtain! Normally I don't do the matchey- matchey stuff but this I could not pass up. I was most excited about the soap dispenser- I have never had a pretty soap dispenser before!
Here is a peak inside from the bedroom...........


This chimney cupboard is something we picked up last year at our favorite antique store. We don't have a lot of storage in this bathroom so this was the perfect piece for the space. It holds all of my lotions and potions- that stuff that every woman needs!

I left the piece as it was when we bought it because I fell in love with the chippy worn paint. My husband looked at me like I was nuts when I told him I wanted to take it home. He promised to build me a new one just like it but that would kind of be missing the point now wouldn't it? So many people who have come to visit have threatened that it would come up missing when they left!!! And of course the top is cluttered looking until I can find a way to accessorize it and make it look pretty! I am still on the hunt for some reallooking red poppies to fill the green pitcher.

And my shower curtain................ the flowers are so cheery that it makes me happy just walking in here.

This is the wall opposite the tub. I found the painting from a second hand store that I go to often. Picked this lady up for 5 bucks!! I loved the colors in the print and the lady's big hat. The little gold frames were my dollar bargain at the flea market a couple of weeks ago. I thought they were cute here. Not the best picture but what do you expect with generic hollywood lighting..........

My little master bathroom. Again- more red. I'm addicted, what can I say. This is a bathroom I actually like! It now feels warm and cozy- if a bathroom can actually feel warm and cozy. Now I need to get working on the other bathroom. I'll post pictures when I finish it! I know- you are on the edge of your seat, aren't you? he he he

Have a great day!

~Heather :)

Hubby Therapy

Last night we had a wonderful evening! Marc took the night off from his remodeling job and came straight home after work. I made a big dinner- balsamic chicken, garlic mashed potatoes and peas and corn. We had the candles lit, the music playing, and even used the fancy dishes! It was so fun!
After dinner we all helped water the flowers. The kids had a ball as this is one of their favorite things to do recently!

After all the plants were good and wet (and dripping and running over) we sat out on the balcony and watched the birds playing in the trees and the airplanes flying through the clouds. It was nice to sit out there as a family and just relax and enjoy each other................

After a full night of relaxing and playing we showered the kids and tucked them into bed with stories and singing and lots of hugs and kisses. Marc and I went back outside after the kids were asleep and sat on the balcony and just enjoyed the beautiful weather. We got to play "catch up" and it was so nice. We talked and talked. He caught me up to date on everything that is going on at work, we reminisced and talked about our little white house by the creek, I told him about all the funny things the kids have been saying and doing and our plans for the upcoming (crazy-busy) week. After awhile we came inside and played on the computer. Remember the bedding set I want for our bedroom?

This set! Well, I found out last night it is on sale for 33% OFF!!!!!!!!! And free shipping! Bonus! Marc told me to go ahead and order it and that will be my birthday present! I didn't hesitate to hit that "submit order" button, I was SO excited!! My birthday is on Monday so I am hoping I get it that day! But if it is a day or two late who cares! It is still on it's way so I couldn't be more thrilled!!

We both ended up falling asleep on the couch. We are so exciting I know! It was so nice to have him home with us last night. And although his phone rang off the hook all evening with manager type issues I didn't care- he was home. I enjoyed it and the kids enjoyed it. I felt so much better last night and today. It is amazing what a little time with my husband can do for my spirits. It's like Hubby Therapy!!

Wishing you all precious time with those you love! Hope you all have a great weekend!!

~Heather :)

Chinese Fortune

Ok, last night I was a mess! Fully admit it. Remember how part of my sadness was because of this house? My little white house by the creek that is back on the market but I know we can't buy it?

Remember that poor little Chinese food delivery man? And how he said maybe I would get a good fortune in my cookie and I would be happy again? Tonight I finally got around to eating my fortune cookie. Well, inside that crunchy little cookie was this message.........

Notice the first number? That was our original closing date for the house when we first purchased it. See the last number? That is the first 2 numbers in the house address! A sign perhaps?????????

Now I do not believe in fortune cookies or things like that. But I do believe in signs........ and blessings and miracles. It would take all three to get that house back but this little cookie sure lifted my spirits!!!

~Heather :)

Oh What A Night

First of all I wanted to thank everyone for their sweet comments on my last post regarding my little white house. I felt kind of silly after I posted it. Longing so strongly for a house that may or may never be for me again. It was so uplifting to hear from so many of you who have felt the same way that I do! Your thoughtful words were truly touching and they mean so much to me. Thank you for making me realize that my feelings are not only common but justified!

Last night was quite a night. I have a lot going on lately. I can not get my little white house out of my head. I am still amazed at the hold and effect it has had on me.
My husband has been working 7 days a week for a couple of months now. Days I can handle for the most part. But for the last few weeks he has been doing a remodeling job for a family member and has been getting home after 10pm every night. I love my husband- he is my best friend. He works very hard for our family and for that I am most grateful. But I miss him. I miss him a lot. Last night I talked to him and he told me he was once again going to get home late. He told me to treat myself and order take-out!
My daughter Bella's surgery for her ears is scheduled for this coming Wednesday, June 11th. It is a simple surgery but it is still a surgery and I am worried about it. I have been having nightmares where she doesn't wake up from the anesthesia and I wake up shaking and crying.
My sister has offered to take my son, Kyle, for a few days during the surgery. We have to be up and at the hospital very early the day of the surgery so it will be nice. We all agree that it will be best for us to be one-on-one for Bella and give her some special attention during this time. The problem is I have never been away from my kids for a full day or a night since they were born. Other than when I was in the hospital having Bella I have never missed a bedtime tuck-in with Kyle. I am not worried about my sister taking care of him- she is an amazing person and an incredible mother. If I could be half as wonderful as she is my children would benefit greatly. There is no one in this world I trust more with my children. His days will be busy and I think he will enjoy the adventure. So I do not worry about him being away from me- I worry about ME being away from him. My children are my life, my joy, my security. I miss them when I am away from the for an hour! So those few days are going to be difficult in a few ways. And he will be almost three hours away so if I miss him in the middle of the night it's not like I can drive down the street and get him!!
All afternoon yesterday my head was spinning with everything that is going on and coming up. I felt fears and stress invade me and suck the energy right from me. I felt like I was walking around in a funk all day. And then it happened.
I had ordered Chinese food from a new local place we haven't tried yet. When the delivery driver arrived he asked "How are you this evening?" And I completely fell apart. I started crying and mumbling "I miss my husband, I want my old house back, I am scared about my daughter's surgery and I already miss my son who is leaving for a few days."
The poor delivery driver stood at my door, mouth hanging open with a look of shock and disbelief on his face. Who could blame him. Then I felt really bad for venting to a complete stranger and started crying harder.
He tried his best to sooth me in his broken English "Ah, maybe you get good fortune in your cookie and you will be happy again!"
I shook my head and closed the door. Knowing that I will never again be able to order from that restaurant.......... because even if I did they wouldn't want to deliver to the crazy woman anyways.
I could not pull myself together. I cried harder and more hysterically than I have for as long as I could remember. I was letting my emotions and raging hormones go for a joy ride. I allowed them to completely consume and devour me. Now I am an emotional person anyway- but this was really obnoxious. I sat there crying and feeling self pity. I started breaking out in hives from head to toe. I was going into a full blown panic attack and felt short of breath because I was crying so hard, so I called my sister. She will be able to calm me down! She can always calm me down! And she did. And she understands sobby jibber which is good because I couldn't talk when she first answered the phone. We got to the root of the problem. I am pregnant. Hmmmm........... is that what that big bump is? My hormones are completely out of control and they are feeding off of stress. Hormones are a scary thing sometimes. Sneaky little boogers. I couldn't sleep last night and the apartment walls felt as though they were closing in on me. I went to my happy place. I poured a glass of milk and went outside to sit on my balcony. Just me, my glass of milk and my thoughts. It was a beautiful night- warm with a gentle breeze. I could heard the gentle flow of water from the waterfall, and smelled the faint scent of chlorine from the pool. I sat on my comfy wicker couch and gazed up at the sky. I sat out there for a long time just thinking and praying and sitting in silence. It was time I needed. I finally came inside around four a.m.! Feeling refreshed- not 100% better, but more calm than I have been in a few days. I don't think I realized until last night just how stressed I really have been. I tend to bottle things up and just go go go until things smack me in the face and knock me down. Last night was one of those nights. I was glad that I took some quiet time to myself last night- even if I was really tired this morning! Even though I am still worried about things I have a better hold on it and a better perspective of my emotions so I can try and keep them in tact. I have more peace today than I have for a while and all it took was some quiet time in prayer.
Tonight my husband will be home at a normal time and I am making a huge dinner, lighting candles, pulling out the good dishes and putting some music on. And the kids and Marc and I will all have a wonderful, romantic family dinner and a fun night of playing and relaxing. I can't think of a better way to spend an evening.
Wishing you all that peaceful feeling and a great evening.
~Heather :)

Busy Days & Unexpected Emotions

What a busy couple of days it has been! I got to pick up my van from the service center. Again- the dealership went above and beyond my expectations as I have never experienced a dealership as wonderful as them! They had to replace some sensors and fix our braking system and the van and brakes feel better than they did when we got it!! Best of all, everything was covered under our warranty so that was fantastic. Kyle did not want to leave the rental car there and insisted we bring it home with us! He liked it because it was red. After we picked up the van we drove to surprise Marc with a backyard picnic. He is still working on the bathroom remodel for a relative and we missed him so I thought this would be a fun thing. Well, he was at the painting phase of the project and let me tell you- my husband HATES to paint. Needless to say I got suckered into painting the bathroom for him and we got home after ten o'clock. Yesterday I had a prenatal visit which went really well. I got to hear Calista's strong little heartbeat and it always tears me up when I listen to that precious sound! And I found out that I had gained 14 pounds since my last visit 3 weeks ago! Oh my! Guess I better lay off those Doritos and ho ho's!
After we left the doctor's office we went back over to see Marc and take him dinner. Because if I don't take him food he will literally forget to eat. Well, I got suckered into helping him again on cosmetic details and installing the new sink and medicine cabinet. It is coming together so beautifully! By about 8pm the kids were starting to get a little tired so we took off headed home.

I decided to drive by "our" house again which I do every time we are in the area. It actually isn't our house anymore..........it was our first house. One decision that I regret the most is moving out of that house. The day we were moving out I watched the house become more and more empty and I felt like I wanted to change my mind. I knew I couldn't and even felt like maybe it was emotions driven by hormones or fear of making such a big change. Well, those emotions and feelings never did subside. I think about that little house all of the time. It was our first house! It was tiny- only 1,100 square feet, 3 bedrooms and one bath. Really small. The house sat on an uncommonly large lot for the area. It had a third of an acre and in the backyard there were tons of tall trees and a huge creek that ran through the property. We used to go back there and just watch the wildlife and listen to the water. And it wasn't just about the house....... it was the neighborhood. We had wonderful neighbors that quickly became our friends. We would sit out on our front porch with a pitcher of tea and they would come over with their drinks or snacks to share and shoot the breeze for hours at a time. We were remodeling a bedroom one time and some of the neighbors just showed up with tool belts and said "Where do you want us." It was an amazing little street full of the most wonderful people. You really had that small town feeling in the heart of a big city.
Last night as I was driving down our old road something caught the corner of my eye so I looked in the rear view mirror and slammed on my brakes! (and I wonder why I have brake issues?) What was that I saw? I backed up and parked in front of the house to see a For Sale sign planted in the front yard. My heart was beating so fast it hurt. I felt short of breath. I called my husband and left a message "I am sitting in front of our house and guess what I see!?! A for sale sign! Baby! Our house is back on the market!" I hung up and sat in front of the house and just stared. And then, for some reason, the flood gates opened. I started crying uncontrollably. I saw Kyle learning to walk in the living room and playing in the front yard chasing bubbles that the neighbor boy was blowing, I saw all our old neighbors sitting on the porch and steps at our July 4th party. I saw my curtains blowing in the breeze and smelled the fresh paint from my months of painting all the woodwork. I stared at the Christmas lights glowing in the freshly fallen snow as I watched carollers walking down the street. I saw my little boy's face peeking out the front window waiting for Marc to pull in from work. So many memories are held in that house.
In my mind that little white house by the creek will always be my home. I looked around at the house and it seemed so sad. The yard was overgrown, the flowers needed weeded, the blinds looked broken and the house was completely dark. I pulled myself together and called my sister and told her about the house. She talked me all the way home. I know there is no way we can buy our house back. Not now. It is a great price but it is too far from Marc's job and we still haven't sold our last house. With a baby due in three months it wouldn't be a good idea to make a move anyway. But that doesn't make me accept this any easier. My heart really aches for that little house. I came home and looked it up online and found that the woman who bought it from us lost it in foreclosure and she hadn't paid taxes for almost two years. My heart ached for her and her situation- whatever is may be. Because I know if she loved that house even half as much as I do then she must be hurting too. It may seem silly but I have been crying off and on since last night. Missing my house and knowing that it could be possible now for us to get it back because there is after all a sign in the yard.......... but it isn't possible. And that is a very tough pill to swallow. I wish now that I hadn't driven by the house last night, I wish I hadn't seen that sign. If it was sold and bought and I was none the wiser then I would have been okay. Knowing that it is at the tip of my fingers though...................... that is a completely different story.
Here is my little house...............

This is the picture from the realtor site. It was built in 1928 on an old wine vineyard. The vineyard had gotten some kind of wrath or disease that killed all of the crop and no future crops could ever be grown here. This house was the second house built in the subdivision. It was built by one of the less well-to-do families and you can tell by the cheaper pine flooring and woodwork through the house. There have been some updates through the years but fortunately most of the original character has been left in tact which is what attracted us to the house. This was the front room/living room that you entered from the front porch. This house has the most wonderful light! See all of that woodwork??? I painstakingly painted all of the woodwork throughout the house- every spare moment I could steal away for over four months. Normally I would not have painted it but it was cheap, soft pine that was in pretty bad shape and had an ebony stain on it! The white turned out gorgeous and actually highlighted the beauty of the details.

This was my son's first real room. This was the first room my husband and I did after we bought the house. Money was tight with a new baby and a new house so we bargain shopped and used a lot of creativity. We put a lot of love into this room and really liked how it turned out. To this day I still think it is my favorite decorating job ever!

The house had an amazing yard............especially the backyard. We would walk out to the back of the property and see deer and other animals every day. They were so fun to watch and knew we weren't going to hurt them as they just took their time and hung out. See the little bridge rails? The creek actually ran through the backyard and separated the lot so everyone built bridges across their lots!

And we had a lot of fun and relaxation time in our yard. What a great place to raise kids.

Someone told me once that a house is just a bunch of wood and some nails. But to me it's more than that......... especially if it has been your home or if you want it to be your home. This house would not be a dream home for most people but it was a dream when we bought it and we saw a lot of dreams come true while we lived there. I have fallen in love with houses that we have seen before and since this house but no other house has had my heart like this one. I have never been so broken hearted with any other house but this one. I think it hurts the most knowing that this house was mine and I let it go.

~Heather :)