Busy Days & Unexpected Emotions

What a busy couple of days it has been! I got to pick up my van from the service center. Again- the dealership went above and beyond my expectations as I have never experienced a dealership as wonderful as them! They had to replace some sensors and fix our braking system and the van and brakes feel better than they did when we got it!! Best of all, everything was covered under our warranty so that was fantastic. Kyle did not want to leave the rental car there and insisted we bring it home with us! He liked it because it was red. After we picked up the van we drove to surprise Marc with a backyard picnic. He is still working on the bathroom remodel for a relative and we missed him so I thought this would be a fun thing. Well, he was at the painting phase of the project and let me tell you- my husband HATES to paint. Needless to say I got suckered into painting the bathroom for him and we got home after ten o'clock. Yesterday I had a prenatal visit which went really well. I got to hear Calista's strong little heartbeat and it always tears me up when I listen to that precious sound! And I found out that I had gained 14 pounds since my last visit 3 weeks ago! Oh my! Guess I better lay off those Doritos and ho ho's!
After we left the doctor's office we went back over to see Marc and take him dinner. Because if I don't take him food he will literally forget to eat. Well, I got suckered into helping him again on cosmetic details and installing the new sink and medicine cabinet. It is coming together so beautifully! By about 8pm the kids were starting to get a little tired so we took off headed home.

I decided to drive by "our" house again which I do every time we are in the area. It actually isn't our house anymore..........it was our first house. One decision that I regret the most is moving out of that house. The day we were moving out I watched the house become more and more empty and I felt like I wanted to change my mind. I knew I couldn't and even felt like maybe it was emotions driven by hormones or fear of making such a big change. Well, those emotions and feelings never did subside. I think about that little house all of the time. It was our first house! It was tiny- only 1,100 square feet, 3 bedrooms and one bath. Really small. The house sat on an uncommonly large lot for the area. It had a third of an acre and in the backyard there were tons of tall trees and a huge creek that ran through the property. We used to go back there and just watch the wildlife and listen to the water. And it wasn't just about the house....... it was the neighborhood. We had wonderful neighbors that quickly became our friends. We would sit out on our front porch with a pitcher of tea and they would come over with their drinks or snacks to share and shoot the breeze for hours at a time. We were remodeling a bedroom one time and some of the neighbors just showed up with tool belts and said "Where do you want us." It was an amazing little street full of the most wonderful people. You really had that small town feeling in the heart of a big city.
Last night as I was driving down our old road something caught the corner of my eye so I looked in the rear view mirror and slammed on my brakes! (and I wonder why I have brake issues?) What was that I saw? I backed up and parked in front of the house to see a For Sale sign planted in the front yard. My heart was beating so fast it hurt. I felt short of breath. I called my husband and left a message "I am sitting in front of our house and guess what I see!?! A for sale sign! Baby! Our house is back on the market!" I hung up and sat in front of the house and just stared. And then, for some reason, the flood gates opened. I started crying uncontrollably. I saw Kyle learning to walk in the living room and playing in the front yard chasing bubbles that the neighbor boy was blowing, I saw all our old neighbors sitting on the porch and steps at our July 4th party. I saw my curtains blowing in the breeze and smelled the fresh paint from my months of painting all the woodwork. I stared at the Christmas lights glowing in the freshly fallen snow as I watched carollers walking down the street. I saw my little boy's face peeking out the front window waiting for Marc to pull in from work. So many memories are held in that house.
In my mind that little white house by the creek will always be my home. I looked around at the house and it seemed so sad. The yard was overgrown, the flowers needed weeded, the blinds looked broken and the house was completely dark. I pulled myself together and called my sister and told her about the house. She talked me all the way home. I know there is no way we can buy our house back. Not now. It is a great price but it is too far from Marc's job and we still haven't sold our last house. With a baby due in three months it wouldn't be a good idea to make a move anyway. But that doesn't make me accept this any easier. My heart really aches for that little house. I came home and looked it up online and found that the woman who bought it from us lost it in foreclosure and she hadn't paid taxes for almost two years. My heart ached for her and her situation- whatever is may be. Because I know if she loved that house even half as much as I do then she must be hurting too. It may seem silly but I have been crying off and on since last night. Missing my house and knowing that it could be possible now for us to get it back because there is after all a sign in the yard.......... but it isn't possible. And that is a very tough pill to swallow. I wish now that I hadn't driven by the house last night, I wish I hadn't seen that sign. If it was sold and bought and I was none the wiser then I would have been okay. Knowing that it is at the tip of my fingers though...................... that is a completely different story.
Here is my little house...............

This is the picture from the realtor site. It was built in 1928 on an old wine vineyard. The vineyard had gotten some kind of wrath or disease that killed all of the crop and no future crops could ever be grown here. This house was the second house built in the subdivision. It was built by one of the less well-to-do families and you can tell by the cheaper pine flooring and woodwork through the house. There have been some updates through the years but fortunately most of the original character has been left in tact which is what attracted us to the house. This was the front room/living room that you entered from the front porch. This house has the most wonderful light! See all of that woodwork??? I painstakingly painted all of the woodwork throughout the house- every spare moment I could steal away for over four months. Normally I would not have painted it but it was cheap, soft pine that was in pretty bad shape and had an ebony stain on it! The white turned out gorgeous and actually highlighted the beauty of the details.

This was my son's first real room. This was the first room my husband and I did after we bought the house. Money was tight with a new baby and a new house so we bargain shopped and used a lot of creativity. We put a lot of love into this room and really liked how it turned out. To this day I still think it is my favorite decorating job ever!

The house had an amazing yard............especially the backyard. We would walk out to the back of the property and see deer and other animals every day. They were so fun to watch and knew we weren't going to hurt them as they just took their time and hung out. See the little bridge rails? The creek actually ran through the backyard and separated the lot so everyone built bridges across their lots!

And we had a lot of fun and relaxation time in our yard. What a great place to raise kids.

Someone told me once that a house is just a bunch of wood and some nails. But to me it's more than that......... especially if it has been your home or if you want it to be your home. This house would not be a dream home for most people but it was a dream when we bought it and we saw a lot of dreams come true while we lived there. I have fallen in love with houses that we have seen before and since this house but no other house has had my heart like this one. I have never been so broken hearted with any other house but this one. I think it hurts the most knowing that this house was mine and I let it go.

~Heather :)