Fear of the Unknown: Medical Mystery

My daughter, Bella, has been labeled a "medical mystery". Back in February of 2007, when Bella was just 10 months old, she woke up a couple hours after we put her to bed with a high fever. I knew as soon as I picked her up that something was wrong. She had a weak cry, she was shaking and her pupils were so small they almost were non-existent. I quickly called for Marc to help me and we took her temperature. We watched as the reading went to 104.6 degrees. Bella had never so much as had a cold up to this point in her young life and we were shocked. I called our pediatrician's after hours service and they told me to give her some Tylenol and call back if she started seizing. What!?! So, we gave her Tylenol but after a half hour she was only getting hotter and shaking more. Marc and I once again took her temp and watched in horror as the reading went to 106.8. This time I called our old pediatrician who was almost 3 hours away. He instructed us to rush Bella to the nearest children's hospital. That was an hour drive for us. We called my parents who came down immediately. My Dad stayed with Kyle and my Mom hopped in the car with us and we headed off. After the nurses and doctors got done running blood work, taking a catheter and drawing a urine sample they diagnosed her with a urinary tract infection. There was no indication from the urine sample that she had a UTI- but that was "the only thing that could explain a fever so high". She had no other symptoms besides the fever. They administered antibiotics via shot and gave us a prescription to fill the next day. We drove back home exhausted and worried. Neither one of us slept at all that night. We were alternating between Tylenol and Motrin every few hours but nothing would bring the fever down past 106 degrees. We were at the hospital emergency room three more times in the next four days and then all at once the fever stopped. March rolled around and once again Bella woke up in the middle of the night with another high fever and we went through the same routine. April and May both brought more of the same and every time they diagnosed Bella with another UTI even with no true symptoms or proof.
In late May 2007 we moved back to where we are currently living. Back to the pediatricians that we knew and trusted. June came and once again, so did the fever. Again- with no other symptoms besides a fever. I took Bella in to see the pediatrician that we loved and he referred us to the doctor that was owner of the practice as he felt Dr "K" would be better for Bella's case. I didn't care for Dr. K at first as I thought he was rude and full of himself but I quickly realized that I had misjudged. He was intrigued with Bella's case and amazed at how much I had documented over the course of the last few months. Keeping track on a calender the days- and even times- that Bella's fevers started, the temps throughout the day, and the day they stopped. I had journals of what she did every day, what she ate, how she slept, clothes she wore, places we went, people we were around, how she acted, etc. From my notes we realized that there was, in fact, a pattern to Bella's fevers. She was having fevers on a cyclic timeline- every 26-28 days- and they would last for 4-6 days. We decided to start running tests to see if we could find out what was causing her fevers. I had no idea what a whirlwind journey we were headed on.
Over the next several months I would meet with our pediatrician once a week, and during Bella's fevers I would take her to see him the day they started, about the middle, and then the day after they stopped. I took her to see many top specialists including: Infectious Disease Specialist, Rheumatologists, Cardiologists, Hematologists, etc. They all ran their own batch of tests and made referrals to yet another specialist and another. Bella had several tests done including: ultrasounds of almost every part of her body, every organ, a VCUG of her bladder, an echo cardiogram, x-rays, blood work, urine cultures, hearing and vision tests, CT, etc etc etc.
We were getting in to the best pediatric doctors in the country.........and instead of the 2-4 month wait that is typical, we were only having to wait 2 weeks at the most. With every specialist we went to we would hear "We wanted Bella in here quickly because her case is so intriguing." As a mother I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. I remember, however, that we had to wait almost 6 weeks to get in to see the rheumatologist. I dropped off copies of Bella's file weeks in advance for her to review. The day of our appointment we saw another doctor who sat in the room with Bella and I and asking a ton of questions. When I rattled off one answer he looked at me puzzled and said "What is that?" HUH?!? I explained it to him and he said "Oh." I was NOT thrilled when I found out he was a medical student trying to buy time for the doctor who was arriving late for my appointment. When she arrived she sat down and started asking the same questions that the student doctor had just asked. When I told her I had just answered all of these questions and he had written them down, and that all the information was in Bella's files she told me she had not "taken the time " to go through Bella's file and that we would need to make another appointment for a month from then to come back to see her. I was furious!
I, as kindly but firmly as I could, said "Dr. X, I respect the fact that you are probably an extremely busy physician which is indicative of the six week wait that I had before being able to get an appointment with you, however, I am here now. I do not plan on walking out of this room, making another appointment with your receptionist, wasting a $25 co-pay, and driving back home in the snow storm like I did to get here to waste thirty minutes of my day speaking to a medical student who never introduced himself as such. I waited six weeks, drove through a snow storm and paid my $25 co-pay to see you. My daughter has a condition that causes her to have cyclic fevers that come once every 26-28 days and I don't know why. I want to know why and the last specialist I went to referred me to you which leads me to believe you might have some answers. I dropped my daughter's file off almost three weeks ago- as you requested- so that you would have time to review it. IF it is still here I would like for you to go get it, bring it back in this room, and we can review it together." The doctor looked at me shocked. She asked me "What is your main purpose for being here?" I told her "I love my daughter and I want answers. I want answers sooner than later and if you don't provide them for me I will find someone else that can." The doctor left the room with a slam of the door and I hung my head and cried thinking I just ticked off the "best" pediatric rheumatologist.........someone who might have been able to help my daughter. Imagine my surprise when the doctor walked back in the room- with Bella's file. She sat down and we spent the next hour discussing everything we could think of. She ordered a few tests and recommended me to a hematologist. She said that he would be the next logical step in our process and depending on what his findings were we would know if we had to come back to her or not.


After seeing the hematologist we had to go for a 6 week course of blood work in which we would see our pediatrician in his office three times a week for 6 weeks. They were checking for cyclic neutropenia among other things. Every time we went to his office he would draw two viles of blood to do a full work-up/CBC to see if and how Bella's blood work would change during the course of a fever cycle. The only thing the blood work showed was that Bella was anemic, and severely anemic at that. I could not understand how she could be anemic with the diet she was accustomed to. It didn't make sense to me or the doctors. But for some reason her body was not taking iron from what she was eating and absorbing it as she should.

The doctor's put Bella on an Iron supplement which we had to give her three times a day and then have a follow-up appointment with the Hematologist after three months. In February 2008 we went back to see the hematologist and he was thrilled that Bella had not had a fever since starting the iron supplement. He admitted that even though he could not make sense of a cyclic fever due to an iron shortage it was the only thing that made sense. He asked us to keep him informed if the fevers started back up.

February and March came and went with no fever. Then in April and May the fever came back on the same day it would have been due on had she continued with them the whole time. This fever was not as high as previous fevers and it did not last as long. The highest it reached was 103 degrees and it only lasted for 68 hours.

On top of the fever issues I was having concerns with Bella's language development. She was no where close to where she should be developmentally and I feared that this was an effect of her high fevers. At two years old she was only saying six words- and even those were not clear.

So in June we went to see an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist. They performed hearing tests on Bella and found that she had so much fluid behind her eardrums it was almost as if she were deaf. The doctor told me that it would compare to you laying down in a bathtub or swimming pool while someone tried to talk to you above the water- you would have a hard time hearing them but an even harder time making out what they were saying. The way Bella was speaking is how she was hearing the words- mumbled and jumbled- like you would if you were surrounded by water. Given Marc's family history with hearing problems and hearing loss the ENT recommended that we put tubes in Bella's ears- and soon. "Soon" ended up being very soon and less than two weeks later we were watching the ENT carry Bella through the operating room doors.

Marc and I were hopeful that maybe this was somehow related to the fevers and that once the tubes were in the fevers would stop. With July came another fever..........and another one in August. September went by quickly but every day I watched as the date, for when Bella should get her fever, get closer and closer...............and then passed by. YEAH!

Since the fevers had gotten lower and shorter in the last few months I was excited and even more hopeful than ever that maybe this was it. Maybe the fevers are gone!?!

There were so many days where I would look at Bella going through these tests and think that we were putting her through torture for nothing...........but then there were other days where I felt we weren't doing enough. I would be online every day and every night searching high and low for some kind of clue, some answer that would bring us a break-through. It got to the point where I could actually carry on an intelligent medical conversation with the doctors and not feel like an "outsider" in the medical "club". I would read something that would fit or make sense and the doctor would test for it. In fact, I was throwing around so much medical lingo that family and friends were encouraging me to go to nursing school. It wasn't that I had a love for medicine................I have a love for my daughter. There were so many nights that I would research online until I fell asleep with the computer on my lap.....or watch the sun come up and realize I hadn't been to bed........or go to bed and cry myself to sleep. I would walk down the hall and peak in Bella's room only to find Marc sitting at the foot of her bed watching her sleep- with fear, concern and love in his eyes. I remember one night watching him watch her sleep and I had to walk away as my eyes filled with tears. I didn't want him to know I saw him. I imagined what he was thinking and it broke my heart. Marc is a fixer........in profession and in personality. I imagined that he was staring at his little girl and wondering why he couldn't "fix" her.

I know that Bella's fevers are not God's fault........but there have been many moments where I have questioned Him, been angry with Him, doubted Him, and blamed Him for not providing an answer or a cure for us. There were also many times when I asked Him to give it to me- whatever was causing Bella these fevers, give it to me, make me suffer.........not her.

Dr. K asked me once how far I was willing to go and when I was going to stop looking for an answer. I told him that my biggest fear was quitting without knowing. I didn't want to have something happen a few years down the road and hear a doctor say "If we would have caught this/found this earlier we could have......" I told him I wanted to go all the way............I want an answer........and I am not going to stop until I get it.

Now I am not saying that I want a doctor to find something terribly wrong with my daughter. That's not it at all. In fact I don't want Bella to have these fevers anymore or to have ever had them in the first place. But there is a terrible fear in the unknown. My pediatrician has been amazing and his wife and staff had told me he is perplexed, and has also spent many nights researching online, contacting colleagues, and been frustrated as he runs out of ideas. I feel that we are almost the same person sometimes, on the same mission, after the same goal.

I have been told numerous times that Bella is a "medical mystery" and that some things in medicine "just don't have answers". That's not good enough for me.

Bella is a healthy, happy, active toddler. She does not get colds, flus, or any other kind of illness. That alone makes me curious. How could a child never get sick with even the most common of illnesses but yet, like clock work, come down with a fever every month with no explanation? A fever that leaves as abruptly and without warning as it came?

Bella has been through so many tests and gone to so many doctor's. Even throughout her blood work she never once cried. She would sit on my lap and hold out her arm for the doctor and say "Here go!" every time she saw the needle. She is probably the bravest person I have ever met. Most children hate going to the pediatrician but Bella loves to go, and she loves her doctor. So when is enough enough? Should I be content that my daughter is a medical mystery and put an end to the testing?

We feel like we have run out of options. We have taken all the roads and gone down the path less traveled and still come to a dead end. We feel that we have done every test and seen every specialist that we possibly could but are still left with the same questions. Why does she have these fevers? Where do they come from? What are we forgetting? What are we overlooking? Will we ever have our answers?

My hope is that someone, somewhere reading this might have gone through the same thing or know someone that has gone through the same thing. Not that I wish this on anyone but I am hoping that there may be some ground we have not covered.

A stone we have not overturned.

Today Bella was happy-go-lucky one minute and giving me hugs and kisses. Ten minutes later she laid on the floor and was sucking her thumb and moaning. When I bent down to kiss her she was burning up. I got the thermometer out and just that quick her temperature was up to 104 degrees. Ten minutes! So not only are the fevers back again at their regular intervals but they are getting higher again. I am desperate for answers. Answers to questions that no one seems to be able to answer for me. Answers that I think- that I KNOW- my daughter deserves.

~Heather :)

Change is A Comin'

Actually change is here. It has been a busy couple of days. Bella seems to have grown up all at once. She went from being our baby/toddler to a big girl overnight. Within the last couple of days she has decided on her own to start potty training and give up her crib and sleep in her big girl bed!! When I got her up from her nap the other day she was sitting on the floor, had taken her diaper off and was putting on her Tinkerbell training pants!! So, every 20 minutes I was taking her to the bathroom and sitting her on the potty. We praised her for trying when she didn't go and praised her for peeing when she did go!! Last night she ran to the bathroom on her own so Marc followed her...........she sat on the potty and peed!!!!!! Marc, Kyle and I were screaming and clapping and jumping up and down and she was soaking it all in. Just seeing her walking around in her "big girl" panties kind of made me sad. I am glad she is healthy and smart and growing up but at the same time I wondered where all the time has gone. My kids are getting bigger and learning so much every day. It is truly a bittersweet time. As if it weren't hard enough watching her go pee on the potty.............yesterday at nap I tried to lay her down in her crib and she told me "No Mommy!" Bella walked over and climbed into her big bed. I tucked her in, sang her song, rubbed her back and walked out of the room. I stood outside the door expecting to hear her jump out of bed but she didn't. She fell asleep within 10 minutes and napped in her big bed for the first time. Last night when Marc and I were putting her down she again said no to the crib so we tucked her in to her big girl bed. She was so proud of her self and said "I Big." I wanted to cry but instead embraced her independence and looked at it as a very proud moment. We took a picture of her............her first night in her big girl bed............


She looked so tiny in her full size antique bed.................and so happy to be at this milestone. Later I went to check on the kids and this is what I found..............

Her big nightlight had burned out so she fell asleep over by the door and her little night light. Bless her heart. I picked her up and laid her back in her bed and rubbed her back until she was back to sleep. And she stayed in her bed all night!!

Speaking of my kids growing up........................

I was snapping pictures the other day of Cali while the older kids were napping. I can not believe how fast she is growing! They don't stay a tiny newborn forever. I can't believe that 8 weeks ago today Cali came into our lives. It seems like last week!!! 8 weeks already!?! Where does the time go?

She is so alert and loves looking around. She laughs a lot!

She is a very happy girl.................except the colicky times!! LOL!! For the most part though she is always smiling and laughing- at everything. She laughs at me and Marc and her big brother and big sister............she laughs at things on the wall, lamps, and whatever else grabs her attention. I love to see her smile. Whatever I am feeling, whatever I may be worrying about or mad about...........one smile from Cali lights up my heart and everything is forgotten.

Cali can even support her weight when you stand her on her feet..........and then she really gets to laughing because she thinks she is such cool stuff!!

As promised (albeit a couple days late) here are some of the fabrics that I will be using in Cali's nursery...............

We will be painting her walls a cheery yellow..........and I am scared. I love yellow walls but have always had a hard time with yellow. It has got to be the hardest color to paint. But I think I've got it now. We'll see! I want to accent with fabrics in pink, green and purple to pull out the colors of this adorable Bunny print from Jane Churchill. I got this designer fabric at an estate sale- the woman had been a buyer for a major designers only fabric warehouse. Steal!!

So much fun. Of course we have a lot to do before Cali's room can all come together but I will be working on the sewing every chance I can because there is a lot of it!!

See the Monkey fabric in the background? That's another Jane Churchill fabric from the same sale! Double steal!! After I get Kyle's room (now the den) done we will be starting Cali's room. After that, if I have enough energy left, we'll be working on the master bedroom.............finally! I think it's safe to say we will have enough projects to carry us through the winter!!! And I'll actually have exciting decorating stories and pictures to post about! LOL!!!

Hope everyone is having a great day!!

~Heather:)

Martha, Noise & Soup

Better take that potty break and grab a cup of coffee now- this may be a long post!

Martha, Martha, Martha.....................Stewart that is! My cousin "K" sent me an email the other day telling me about something she saw on the Martha Stewart Show that day about blogging and how she thought I should participate. I went to Martha's blog and checked it out. Her show that day was all about blogging! Martha will be featuring several blogs on her blog- all you have to do is leave your name and blog address in her comment section. How cool would that be to be featured on Martha's blog?!?!
I don't know about any of you but I adore Martha Stewart and have for years. When my sister or I would do some kind of project (craft, sewing, cooking, etc.) and the other liked it we would say "You are so Martha!" or "That is so Martha!" Hey- we were striving for greatness!! LOL! Martha is, after all, the original Domestic Diva and a role model for women everywhere. I can not tell you the countless tips and projects I have done after being inspired by something I saw or read via Martha Stewart. If you have never been to Martha's blog I encourage you to check it out.........prepare to be inspired.

Okay, I have to get something off my chest. Last night was not a good night. Marc had only been home for about 20 minutes, I was desperately trying to get dinner on the table while the kids were begging for sippy cups, diaper changes and Diego. Marc was holding Cali and trying to soothe her through her fussy spell of the day when there was a knock at the door. When I opened the door I saw our maintenance man standing there. He was there to tell us that the neighbors downstairs had called to complain about the level of noise coming from our apartment. Although I felt that the past 20 minutes had been chaotic and probably a little noisy I knew it wasn't any different than any other day...........and it was 5:30 in the afternoon! Through my embarrassment I jokingly asked "Could you be more specific?!" (As Cali is crying and the kids are running around screaming "Rescue pack! Comin' to the rescue!") He did think it was funny and chuckled at my attempt at humor. I thanked him for coming and asked if the neighbors did call again to ask them what exactly they were complaining about so that we could try and take measures to correct it. After he left I looked at Marc puzzled, he looked back at me puzzled. Now I will admit that some days I wonder why our neighbors don't have a UHaul parked outside of their apartment in a desperate attempt to get away from us..........but today wasn't even close to one of those days. In fact there have been three other families living in the apartment below us (in the 18 months we have been here) before these people moved in and not one of them ever complained! In fact, we have always tried to introduce ourselves to new neighbors, asking what time they go to bed so that we can make sure the kids are quiet and respectful of other people's schedules, and tell our neighbors to please let us know if we are ever being too loud. EVERY ONE of those neighbors have always told us that they never hear us. 5:30 in the afternoon??? I can not explain how I felt after being complained about. I was embarrassed, I was hurt, and I suddenly felt unwelcome in my own home. It was horrible. For the rest of the night I cringed every time Kyle or Bella would walk too hard down the hall, drop a toy or laugh too loud. Every time Cali would start getting fussy I would grab her up immediately and try and soothe her with whatever it took. What makes this whole situation worse is that Marc is an employee of the company who owns the apartments we live in. I don't want him to look bad in the eyes of management. But how am I supposed to keep three kids quiet 24 hours a day? AM I supposed to strap them to a chair and put duct tape on their mouths?? I feel like I can't even let my kids be kids in their own home! Seriously, that is no way to live. All night last night I had nightmares about being kicked out of our apartment. Where would we go? Where would we live? I love my apartment and we have put so much work into it with paint and built-ins and decor............we have tried to make it "ours" as best we could...........and the thought of losing it is just too much. Sorry, I just had to vent. This really has me upset.

Okay, now on to the soup! Let's warm our bellies and our hearts with this fabulous recipe. This recipe came from my Aunt Deb (the one that has the Etsy store-see the link on my sidebar). Deb is a fabulous cook and this recipe is no exception. I made it for dinner last night and decided to share. It is a huge hit every time I make it.......my kids even ask for seconds which is rare!! LOL!!!

Aunt Hilda's Stuffed Pepper Soup

2 pounds ground beef
2-3 cups green bell pepper- chopped
1 large onion- chopped
10 beef bouillon cubes
6 cups water
2 (28oz) cans crushed tomatoes
Salt and pepper to taste
2 cups cooked rice

Brown ground beef; drain. Add bell pepper and onions. Cook until tender. Add bouillon cubes, water, crushed tomatoes, salt and pepper. Cook for about 4 hours on low heat. Add the two cups of rice to the soup and heat through.

Now, if you are lazy or in a hurry like me you can brown the hamburger and then throw everything in a big pot all at once (I use instant rice and throw it in at the beginning with everything else). It ends up tasting the same.

This is the finished result.........

MMMMMMMMMMMM...........it's making me hungry all over again. Last night at dinner Kyle said "Yummy soup mommy, I like possibilities!" Marc and I were cracking up. Apparently he does pay attention to commercials! It is a good hearty meal perfect for cooler months. Gee, I could have at least cleaned that off the side of the bowl before snapping the picture, huh? That is so not Martha! LOL!! So I get an "F" for presentation today.

There you have it............3 completely separate subjects jammed into one post. You will have to stop by tomorrow- I am going to be giving you all a sneak peek at some of the fabrics and accessories that will be going into Cali's room. I am so excited!

~Heather:)

It's Sweepy Time

It has been a crazy- busy couple of weeks. Not because I'm getting anything done......no.........because I have NOT been getting anything done. You know how I said I have been LOOKING for a balance? Yeah, well, I still haven't found it. In fact the other day I decided to just stop looking for it altogether. I decided, instead, to force my life back into balance. It was the best thing to do. I realized in order to find a balance I had to make it happen. Cali is not much of a sleeper.............there are days where she may only sleep for 5 or 10 minutes at a time and be fussy the rest of the day and insist on being held. 9 pounds ends up feeling like a lot by the end of the day! Usually my lower back hurts so bad that I feel if I bend backwards just a hair that it will literally snap in half. Now I am not used to sitting still so this has been a tad difficult. It's not that I don't love holding my baby girl.......I actually enjoy it..........but I am getting nothing done. I have learned to do a lot of things with one hand: laundry, cooking, dishes, etc. But some things just can not been done with a solitary hand. At least not by me. The doctor seemed to think colick was the culprit but after analyzing things the other day I realized it wasn't so much colick as much as sidekicks. My little sidekicks Kyle and Bella. They are noisy! And as much as I would love to provide a completely silent environment for Cali I just can't. It's not fair to the kids and it's never gonna happen anyways. Cali is going to have to get used to falling and staying asleep with the ever present noise that echos through our walls. The other day I looked around at my apartment that had barely been touched in the last 7 weeks and it was starting to make me very itchy. I needed to get something done. The mail had not been filed, the carpets had not been swept, there were last nights dishes piled on the counter (and the night before that too) and there were 8 loads of laundry that were clean but not put away, etc, etc, etc. Not to mention I was determined to make a nice dinner for my husband and have it ready when he walked through the door. So I thought and thought and then................EUREKA!!!!!! No, not that great , earth-shaking idea that will change the world and all who live in it for now and eternity... Eureka as in my vacuum cleaner. I laid Cali on her blanket, turned the sweeper on and she was instantly calm. Within 2 minutes she was sleeping soundly and I went to work. The next three hours were more productive that the past 3 weeks!!! Yes, I left my vacuum running for three hours. Hope my neighbors don't hate me but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. And I did. I felt fantastic! My house was cleaner and I felt lighter! I felt like I had just climbed to the top of Mt Everest. And my laundry pile was getting about that high so maybe I climbed my own mountain in that way! Cali woke up rested and happy and smiled at me with that big gummy smile that just melts my heart!!!! The three hours was good for me and good for her as well. Thank You vacuum cleaner! Woohoo!!
We are getting ready to do some projects here soon so I want to try and get all the prep stuff out of the way one day at a time so it will make the projects easier. We will be turning our den into Kyle's room............after all that work we put into that den! Oh well, Kyle asked to have the den for his room so we agreed. Then we will be turning Kyle's current room into Cali's nursery. I think all of the changes will work out perfectly and everyone is excited about the changes. Kyle is also insisting that Santa will be so excited about Kyle's new room that he will be bringing Kyle a Lightening McQueen tv for Christmas. Hmmmmmmm.........talk about pressure.
With all of this change going on it got me thinking about the other rooms in our home. I don't know if it is the fact that fall is officially here or what but I am craving the warm coziness that the winter months bring. Evenings in front of the fireplace with a glass of wine, warm fuzzy blankets, candles, and hot soups on a Sunday afternoon. I want our home to feel like a warm fuzzy blanket that wraps itself around you as you enter it's doors. I have always been drawn to the warmer colors of decorating and I veered off of that recently. My husband blames it on the hormones when I was pregnant. I long for wood furniture in rich tones, warm wall colors and draperies in reds, golds, greens and browns. Area rugs, velvet bedding, soft chenille sofas and leather club chairs. I went surfing on the web the other day looking for inspiration and boy did I find it! RMS is full of talented decorators and beautiful rooms. Better Homes & Gardens, Ethan Allen and Arhaus had a ton of ideas as well. Decor that gently called "Come in from the cold, relax and enjoy these decadent months."
I thought I would share some of the rooms I found. I didn't copy RMS rooms here because I didn't ask permission but these pics are from BHG.com, Ethan Allen and Arhaus websites...

Look at these throw pillows...........

I love the multiple fabrics on this sofa and the dark wood tones on the coffee table............

This is how I would like my master bedroom to look...............

Or this.............

And this is the bedding that I am just in love with................

Velvet bedding. How amazing would that feel to cover up in velvet in the cold winter months?? I would never want to get out of bed!

Lastly I wanted to share my new beauty with you. My new dining room set! Oh I am head over heels for this furniture!!! I haven't been this excited over furniture in a long time. It is solid cherry (my favorite wood) and shining like a new penny! The table and chairs are heavy!!! We sit down for dinner now and don't want to get back up!!! With our old chairs we always jumped up from the table almost as soon as we ate because they were not comfortable to sit on!

We purchased this set after finding it on Craig's List! I saw the ad and fell in love with it. Marc told me we could get it if I sold my old set first. I listed our set, sold it within 48 hours and went and picked this set up the next day! The woman selling it had downsized and it was too large for her new dining room. She was sad to sell it and I felt bad for her. She did tell me that she felt better about letting it go after seeing how excited I was about it. She had only had the set a few months!! We got the set for $500. Table and six chairs. When we got home we looked online and they are still selling this set in the stores for $2,200.00!!!!!! We got the entire set for what you could buy two chairs for. Needless to say we got a good deal and couldn't be happier with our purchase. I LOVE Craig's List!!!!!!!

I have a lot to do with the switching of rooms, painting and sewing. We are going to do a window bench in Cali's room with lots of pillows. I am also making all of her crib bedding and window treatments. If it turns out half as cute as it is in my head I will be thrilled! We also have to build a closet in the den for Kyle because there isn't one in there now. I have designed the perfect one that my oh-so-talented husband will be building. Everything takes longer recently so what would normally take a couple of weekends to complete will probably take a couple of months. It will be a fun process though. So we may be having more "sweepy time" for little Miss Cali. Maybe I could record the noise of the vacuum and burn it to a CD??? What is it about "white noise" that calms babies?

~Heather :)

I'm Baaaaack!!

Okay, so I never really went anywhere..........just a temporary blogging hiatus I guess. I was going to shut my blog down permanently, however, I had a change of heart. Sort of. My husband has been my biggest supporter on my journey through the blogging world so he made me promise to leave my blog up for awhile before making a final decision. He had a lot of arguments as to why I should not quit blogging and after thinking about all of them I knew he was right.
I could not believe the overwhelming number of emails I received after my parting post from fellow bloggers telling me all the reasons why I should not quit. I even had people email me who are not bloggers, and have been lurking around my blog for months but have never left comments. To say I was blown away by this would be a drastic understatement. This is the main reason I fell in love with blogging to begin with- YOU ARE ALL SO WONDERFUL!!!!! And to hear that people actually love my blog and would be sad to see it/me go was very touching. I've often wondered why people read my blog. I'm not really that exciting- or so I thought. But to hear that you actually enjoy my blog, reading what I write and looking through my pictures............. wow. That made me feel so incredible! I have put a lot of work into my blog, I always try to put a lot of thought into my posts, I now carry my camera around everywhere and take pictures of everything- including plates of food and myself in public bathrooms (Thanks Shelia!) And, well, after not posting for awhile I didn't feel right. Something was missing from my life. Sure, I have extremely busy days now with two toddlers and a newborn, I'm not getting much sleep and my bathrooms have not been touched with a cleaning product in 6 weeks but still there was something missing. Once I figured out what that something was-my blog- I realized just how much joy I did get from doing those silly posts about my life! I missed my blogging buddies! SO many of you I now consider friends and some of you feel like family.

So, after weeks of thinking...............and thinking..................and even with some help from Cali thinking about what we should do................


I have decided to stay! My little blog really does bring me a big amount of joy. When I started this blog I never imagined how much I would get out of it, how many wonderful people I would meet, how I could feel so connected to women from all over the country (and world) that I have never personally met. I never thought I would be so inspired, so motivated, so daring, so hooked! This bloggin' thing has really become a major part of my life.

Although I can not promise how often I will post I am really going to do my best. I will post as often as I can and do my best to get around to see you all as frequently as possible. There has to be some organized system for doing so, right? And I also can't promise how interesting my posts will be.............or if they will even make sense! Cali is sleeping pretty good...........some nights........so I am not exactly at the top of my game. Six weeks of interrupted sleep is not working in my favor. I am exhausted and I honestly can't remember the last time I took a shower, although it can't be too long ago because I don't smell that bad yet! LOL!! But the hardest thing of all is that I am still trying to find a balance. Doing more with less sleep, making all three of my kids feel special without neglecting my husband, and trying my darndest to get something on the table every night besides french toast or hamburger helper. In fact, most nights it is my wonderful hubby who has been cooking dinner for our family. Bless him!

I have learned the last few weeks to just let some stuff go.............but the last few days I have been itching to clean, declutter and organize my apartment. The piles of clutter are taking over, the carpet needs swept and stuff falls out of every closet as soon as you open the door. Oops! With fall here I know that it won't be long before I look out the window and watch the snow fall. Meaning? Less outdoor time and more indoor time. Meaning? If I don't get this apartment under control soon I will be itching all winter and it won't be because of that wool sweater. I also want to finally finish redecorating my master bedroom because I have realized that I don't like my paint color or anything else in there...........at 2am................5am............9am..............or any other time of day. I have learned that I hate my slip covered couch too. Why? Well, because that pretty and "practical" slipcover spends more time in the washer than it does on the couch, leaving my couch very cold and naked looking and exposed to the "elements" of tiny fingers coated with ketchup and cheesy dust from Doritos and the many bodily fluids that excrete from three children. Another thing I have realized? I need to find a better hiding place for my nursing pads.....................

Kyle and Bella really enjoy playing with them and sticking them everywhere- from their bodies to the walls...............

They are definitely taking full advantage of mommy not being all that alert and on top of things!!! Going thru "no no" cabinets and flooding the bathroom floor with an out of control "tea party".

So anyway, where was I? Told you my posts might not make sense! Consider yourselves warned!!! LOL!!!

Thanks to all of you for your encouraging words and making me realize just how much I do love to blog. I will consider today the first day of the rest of my blog!!! See ya soon!

This post is dedicated to my Uncle D and my husband- thank you for making me question myself and encouraging me not to give up on something I love so much. :)

~Heather :)

I Have Learned.......

As a mom I have learned so many things. I have learned that you can't find all the answers in a book, schedules never really go as planned, and time goes by way too fast. I have learned that the floor is meant to be flooded, the new nic nacs are meant to be played with and the hand soap will end up all over the window sill and carpeting. (where else!?!) I have learned that food that is supposed to be hot doesn't really taste that bad cold, that make-up isn't really necessary before leaving the house and that a shower is definitely a luxury.

I have learned that I can change a diaper, make a bed, do the dishes and laundry and even paint a room with one hand while nursing an infant. I have learned that my kids will get sick every time we have established a sleep schedule or when we have big plans. I have learned that trips to the emergency room at one a.m. are inevitable and that maybe I do worry too much. maybe.
I have learned that my husband is my best friend and my biggest supporter and becomes more of both with each passing day..........even if he doesn't remember to change the empty toilet paper roll.

I have learned that my kids don't have to be clean to be cute and that they will live if I don't give them a bath every night. I have learned that I need to find balance instead of perfection and not get my feathers ruffled when things don't go smoothly. I have learned to be a more cautious driver, pay more attention to strangers when we are out and about and have become more aware of just how dangerous the world can be.

I have learned that as soon as you buy them that long awaited toy that they will be into something else entirely and that shoes will be outgrown within a month. I have learned that little ears hear everything- even from a big distance.

I have learned that I can make mistakes, get frustrated and even cry in front of my children and they will not only still love me but that they are learning from me and my emotions and how to deal with their own . I have learned that a band aid (or ten) can make any boo boo feel better if it has Diego, Dora, or Blues Clues on it and that Monsters really do live under beds.

I have learned that spills happen- and are expected, markers will become body paint and coffee filters make great art project materials when you are out of paper.

I have learned to always pack more for an outing than I know I am going to need because the time I forget the extra outfit is the time I'm going to need it and that toilets can flush a lot more toilet paper than you might think.

I have learned that the phone will ring or the kids will scream as soon as I get the baby to sleep.....or that the baby will cry as soon as I get to sleep. I have learned that it's okay to feed my family instant mashed potatoes or other prepared foods and that peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are okay to serve for dinner...........sometimes.

I have learned that my home doesn't have to look like a magazine to be a beautiful place to be in and that the hallway can be a perfect place for the kids to ride their bikes.

I have learned that I fear death more- not because of death itself but for fear of leaving my children without a mother. I have learned to think more and plan more for their futures as well as my own. I have learned that I am a lot stronger than I ever thought and that I will do anything to protect my children. I have learned that I can be having the worst day- and with just one hug or one smile from my kids- all the negative can disappear.

But the one thing that I have learned that outweighs all else? I have learned that I LOVE being a mom! I really believe that this is my calling.............this is what I was born to do.

~Heather :)

Time

You hear the word "Time" used so much throughout an average day. It's time to wake up, time to go to work, time to make lunch, dinner, time to take a shower, time to go to bed, time is of the essence, time to plan for the future, time to think about that serious decision, time flies by and time to go................................

What about forgetting about Time for awhile. I am a planner. Always have been. I always come up with a plan and when things don't go according to my plans sometimes it seem to mess up my whole world. Throwing me off of my center of balance. Within the last couple of months I have learned that even the best laid plans can go amok. I have realized through this that I can only plan so much............but the best laid plans are actually created by God. He is on his own time, He has His own plans for our lives and we need to trust Him more and listen to what He is telling us or asking us to do. I think He has been speaking to me a lot lately...........saying "Trust in me. I know what you want, but I know better what you need."
I have become more faithful and have prayed more within the last year than I have before. Things have been chaotic for some time now but I have been leaning on God more and it has been very moving to see how He is working in my life.
With so many things going on lately-things that are out of my control- I have decided to give it all to the Lord. And I have decided to focus my attention on more important things...........

My husband and my children. My life as it is now. I have a great life that I am so grateful for. I am taking the "time" to enjoy it more and see all of the blessings- both big and small............

I moved the clock so as not to constantly be checking it. For the last few days it seems as though time has been standing still. Bella said a new word yesterday and my heart lept! One word brought me so much joy. Cali's belly button/umbilical cord was bleeding yesterday so I took her to the Dr to have her checked out. She was fine and later her cord stump fell off. What was so great about all of that? I took all 3 kids to the Dr by myself and the outing went extremely well! I was so pumped! I can do it- and I did! Kyle built an amazing structure out of his blocks last night and made up a cute story that went along with it.

Cali seemed oblivious to all of the noise and chaos and laid in Marc's arms for a long time. She looks like an angel when she sleeps and it is amazing to watch my husband hold our new bundle of joy. I watch him with the kids sometimes and I just want to cry because he is such a blessing to me I wonder how I got so lucky.

I have been so uplifted already this week, so encouraged. It's amazing what can happen when you allow time to stand still. The things you see, the things that happen everyday that you may have never paid attention to. Everyday little miracles and blessings happening right before your eyes................if you just take the "time" to see them.

There is a sign that used to hang in my son's room that says:

"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow, for babies grow up- much to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep.........I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."

How very true that is. But I think we can relate that saying to any aspect of our life- not just babies. Take the time to enjoy life's little miracles................whatever they may be for you!

~Heather:)