8 Inches & 7 Months

I have been having headaches for weeks now. Maybe months. I have lost count. I finally decided that maybe my hair was to blame. It was super long. The longest that it has ever been in my life. It has taken me almost four years to grow my hair out. In order to keep it out of the way during the day it is usually thrown up in a bun. When I wear it down it is always getting yanked on by the kids, trapped in zippers, closed in drawers, etc. Every time I sit down it gets stuck behind my back and when I move my head it pulls.

So, last night I decided to take matters, err.... the scissors, into my own hands. I went from this...

To this........

Forgive the pictures- my husband was in control of the camera! LOL!!

I was really nervous at first. But my hubby reassured me that keeping it long just because it took so long to grow, was not a great excuse. He was absolutely right. I pinned it all up in sections and took one chunk at a time, measuring each one to make sure that I got it even! Needless to say it took awhile. Marc stayed in the bathroom the entire time to offer encouragement.

I am really glad I did it. Finally. I needed a change and this was a change for the better.

Now, my Dad will ask me "Are you depressed?" He knows me well. In the past, whenever I was down about something I would do crazy things with my hair. Not so much anymore. I don't think.

As many of you know we are still trying to sell our "flip" house. I have been acting as selling agent. I hold Open Houses and receive phone calls from Realtors who want to set up showings. I keep them all straight and do follow-up phone calls to get feedback from their buyers. It's nice that most of the showings are handled by other Realtors. This past Thursday evening, however, I got a call from someone who wanted to see the house. They were in the driveway so I quickly changed into something professional looking and drove the 20 minutes to the house to do the showing myself.

The showing went really well. I was just as professional sounding and more knowledgeable than any realtor that could have shown it that night. I had my Sale on! After I completed my portion of the tour I let the buyers walk around to explore and talk amongst themselves. I listened to their "oohs" and "ahhs" and felt flattered. I listened to how they would arrange their furniture and what color they would paint every room and...........my. heart. sunk. I started thinking "Why would you paint that room red? That is Kyle's room! He likes blue." , "Why would you put the recliner there? That is where the dining room table goes.", "A pool table in the garage? No, no, no- that is where Marc's wood shop is supposed to..........." Oh.my.goodness. I was flooded with emotion but held it together until they pulled out of the driveway. I could feel my face was flush and my heart didn't seem to be working as it should have been. Why am I feeling like this? I gave this house up months ago. I shut out the idea. I thought.

It's been seven months since we first saw this house. December 11th I was searching the MLS for a house we could renovate and move into in the school district that we so badly want Kyle to be in this fall. I had looked for months and no house ever popped up in this city, in our budget, until that day. It had literally been listed on the MLS for seven minutes. I called Marc completely out of breath and told him about it- we both knew we had to move. And fast! He immediately took a lunch break, grabbed the roofing crew that was there with him and headed to the house to inspect it. I called our realtor and she said that there was no time for her to show it for the next two or three days! Marc called back- he was inside the house. The door was not locked and he and the roofers let themselves in. By the time they were done looking there were people/ contractors/investors lined up in their cars on the street waiting for their turn to view the property. It was bank owned and it was a cash only deal. We called our friend, the investor. He was out of town. He faxed an offer and we waited. We lost the house. Outbid.

I continued to search the MLS for weeks and when the house was still showing as active the day after New Years I called the listing office. The buyer was scheduled to close New Years Eve and the deal fell through at the closing table! I immediately called Marc, the Realtor and the Investor. We put another offer in and this time- it was ours.

Shortly after we started the work, it was decided that we would use the house as a flip. Although Marc and I were disappointed, we trucked on with the remodel. We thought we could find another house and this would just get us closer to having more money to work with in the future. Pay off all of our debts and get into a house then. When we were more........ready.

We spent the next four months working as hard as we could. Spending every moment possible at the house so that we could meet a deadline. Every night after Marc got off work until midnight or later (most nights) and every weekend. Holidays and birthdays. Through sinus infections, the flu, Bella's fevers and Cali's teething. We were there. We were so tired that we didn't even know we were tired.

The kids were with us every minute and it became a new kind of normal for our life. I got used to the dirt and the smell and the sound of saws and nail guns.

My kids were so amazing that when I finally laid in bed at night I would cry myself to sleep. Worried that we were missing out on more fun times with them. That we were somehow neglecting some need that they might have but didn't express. But they loved it there and every morning when they would wake up- the first thing they said was "Can we go to the house now?!"

This wasn't our dream house as we had pictured our dream house. Not by a long shot. It wasn't a 1920's two story colonial with woodwork and charm galore. But there was something about this house from the first time we saw it. It just seemed to fit. Even during construction when the floors were still concrete and there was saw dust everywhere and the scent of drywall mud in the air................ it felt very comfortable. Like home. We "lived" in it like it was our home. We worked on it like it was our home. We made precious memories there that can never be duplicated in another home.

Cali cut her first teeth at the house. Marc's Dad came to help on the house. The time I got to spend getting to know him better and the bond that strengthened is something I am so grateful for. How many women get to work side by side with their father-in-law and have such a great time?!? My parents came up to help and to play and it was amazing to watch my mother teach the kids to paint with a roller..............with patience that can only come from a Grandmother.

My Dad was up one day doing trim and found Bella like this.....

Another one of the many things we will remember about our time at the house. There are so many! I am thankful that I had my camera with us while we were there and that we were able to capture so much of what took place. But pictures don't seem like they will be enough.

We have been looking for a house for us, both during and since this renovation. We find some that we like but always end up comparing them to this house.

Every house we have seen.................. it just doesn't compare.

We will put our own touch on whatever house we find but it won't be like the "first time."

We spent more time side-by-side as a family than we ever have. We worked hard together.

We played hard together.

And we turned a neglected, abused, mistreated house that sat empty............

Into a beautiful, warm, inviting home. Filled with giggles and squeals.

But with every showing that we have I know we are one step closer to selling this house. Soon it won't be our laughter that fills the house. It won't be our paint choices on the walls. It won't be our furniture arranged in the rooms.

I realized last Thursday that I am not ready for that. Nor am I okay with it. It is going to be very, very hard. It will be hard to not go play in the yard when the weather is nice. It will be hard to not have picnics on the back patio. It will be hard to not walk to the neighbors and sit down and chat. It will be hard to drive by the house and see someone else living there. Someone else decorating the outside with Christmas lights. Someone else tucking their kids into bed in those rooms. It will be hard telling the kids "No" when they ask if we can go to the house.

It's going to be very hard to walk away......... and not look back. I don't know how I am supposed to do that.

~Heather:)