Self To Do List

I have said before that I am a lover. I am a people- pleaser. My entire life I have tried to live up to others expectations of me, behave in a certain way and allow people or people's ideas to "control" me. Trying to live up to other's expectations is not only exhausting but it causes us to lose who we really are. I have always been afraid of stirring the waters, I like to do what it takes to keep the peace. If someone does or says something to upset me or causes me pain I tend to look over it. When I do speak up for myself I always feel bad later because I fear that I have hurt some one's feelings, or I second guess myself and wonder if I was in the right. I tend to get very stressed out about things and hide them away until they eat away at me. Sometimes when it all comes crashing down I realize just how stressed and upset I was and it ends up causing physical pain sometimes. Isn't stress a crazy thing? If a problem is too big I tend to just turn my back on it and pretend it doesn't exist. I "run away" from the problem so to speak. I think part of this is due to the way I was raised, I think part of it is coming into who I am and learning WHO I REALLY AM, and partly because I do not like confrontation.
I have wasted the last several months of my life not being completely and entirely happy because of something that happened over 14 months ago. And that thing that happened 14 months ago was something that was years and years in the making. It was coming. I knew it would come someday but I had no idea how or when. On this particular day I stood up for myself and confronted miseries and bottled up anger of decades past. I decided that I needed to be free of the mind games, emotional stress and hurt. This has caused a lot of people a lot of pain, stress, and confusion. I never gave an explanation to those who didn't understand what was going on. At the time I kept it from them because I felt I was protecting them............ I have second guessed myself over the last year or so but still feel that it was the best decision. I finally decided to do this for myself, for my marriage and for my children. Even though it was a hard thing to do, I have a great sense of peace about it. That was up until recently. Things have gotten stirred back up again because people do not know when to let things go............. they insist on keeping things stirred up. So I have started getting stressed again. And then today I realized I am sick of playing games. I am an adult now and I know now who I am. I know what I want, how I want to live my life, how I want to mother my children and what kind of wife I want to be for my husband. Today my stress turned into attitude. Major attitude.
It seems as though when something is going on in my life God finds a way to hit my pause button and make me sit still so that He can speak to me. I got a cute email today with a list of things that we already know........... but need to remember. Then I saw a quote that literally felt like a punch in the gut. It's like He is reminding me that it is getting to be too much for me to handle and that His arms are open- they are open so that I can hand my problems off to Him and then He can embrace me with the love and support that He knows I so desperately need. And I am definitely going to need His help with this one. God has worked wonders in my life over the course of the last year but we still have a ways to go as I am a work in progress!

Here is the list from the email............. they are all pretty good but some of them stuck out more than others:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27 Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone, everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34 God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.


All of this got me thinking. I have kept a running To Do list for the last few months. On the list is all kinds of projects that need done around the house, phone calls I need to make, things that need to be purchased, etc. Do any of you have a To Do list for yourself?? Things that need "fixed" or "touched-up"??? I'm not talking haircuts and pedicures and new wardrobes......... I am talking about fixing things inside of yourself.

Examples of this might be:

1. Pray more
2. Find better ways to deal with stress.
3. Work on finding out who I am- things that make me happy, things that bring me peace, and practice them regularly

Now obviously you would be much more specific but you get the idea. If we neglect our duties and upkeep in our homes things fall into disrepair and neglect. If we don't mow the grass or weed the flower gardens the grass and weeds overtake everything- and possibly kill the beauty that has been planted. If we don't fix that leaky pipe under the sink it will eventually cause damage that is much more time consuming and expensive to repair. We need to fix the problems while they are still small............... and if they start off big then we need to realize that we need to call in for back-up. I think I am going to start a "Self-To-Do list". We'll see what happens!

Hoping you all have a wonderful day!!!

~Heather :)