Terrified Isn't Enough

I want to get this written while it is still fresh in my mind. More for my self than anything. Another chapter in Bella's story.

We have been hit by a virus of some sort around here lately. Cali was the first to get it, then me and then Bella. Yesterday morning Bella woke up with a bad cough. Last night Marc and I were up with her until about three in the morning because she would cough so hard she would get sick. My washing machine has run non-stop since midnight last night.

When Bella woke up this morning she didn't have the cough. I was so happy thinking it was gone. At about 1:00 this afternoon she said she needed medicine because she didn't feel good. When I went to pick her up she was hot. I took her temp and gave her Motrin. At 3:30 the kids all laid down for a nap and I attempted to tackle the laundry mountain that was taking over my bedroom. At about 4:30 I heard the most awful noise coming from Bella's room. Not thinking the noise could be coming from Bella, herself, I went ahead into her room to see where the noise was coming from.

The noise was, in fact, coming from Bella. I don't even know how to describe it- it sounded like an old man moaning mixed with a loud gurgling noise........I don't know. Bella had foamy looking bubbles and drool coming from her mouth and her eyes were partially open but her eyes were rolled back into her head. I tried waking her and she didn't. I kept shaking her, lifting her arms- everything I could think of. I was calling her name, and the calling turned to shouting. I lifted her eyelids and her pupils were so small. She continued to make the weird noise but she was completely unresponsive. I called Marc and told him he needed to come home right away. I tried once more to wake Bella up (she is normally hard to wake but not this hard) and then I called 911.

I have never had to call 911 before and it seemed so surreal when I was dialing those numbers. I answered all of the dispatchers questions and she told me not to leave Bella's side for fear that she would quit breathing. I was hysterical. The word terrified would not even begin to describe the emotions I was feeling. I yelled for Kyle and told him to wait by the door and when he saw the ambulance people then he needed to let them in and bring them to Bella's room. He was very calm and did just what he was told.

When the squads arrived it was like a whirlwind. Four EMTs surrounded Bella's bed and started working on her. One of the EMTs pulled me into the hallway and asked me questions for the forms. The maintenance supervisor for our property was here and as soon as I saw him I felt more calm. A familiar face I guess. Another EMT came out of Bella's room and asked me which hospital I would prefer. When I told him the head guy told me they didn't want to take that much time getting her to the ER. Then I completely lost it. I told them to choose and tell me where to go. The next thing I know, Marc's boss was walking in the door. She and the maintenance supervisor, "J" were there to watch the kids until Marc could get home so that I could go in the squad with Bella.

Marc's boss "P" told me to put my shoes on. I ran down the hall and grabbed a pair of socks and then ran back out, grabbed my purse and started heading for the door. P said "Honey, you need to put shoes on." She proceeded to find me a pair of shoes and then help me put them on. She told me to get shoes and I grabbed a pair of socks! Yeah, I was hysterical. I couldn't think. My body had gone numb and my brain just stopped working. I could hear people talk but I really couldn't hear what they were saying and it felt like everyone was running around me and I was standing still. "J" walked me outside. I was headed for my van and he made sure that I got in the squad.

They had Bella strapped down on the stretcher, hooked up to all kinds of machines and were giving her an IV. They told me they had to try and stabilize her before we took off. I saw Marc pull in so he came over to the squad to see Bella. He asked the EMTs what was going on with Bella. They told us that they were pretty sure she was having a seizure but wouldn't be sure until she was seen by a doctor. Marc saw us off and went home to get the kids.

The EMTs were great. He tried to answer all of the questions I had and some that I was too out-of-it to think to ask. Bella was still not responding while we were in the squad but she finally did look at me when I called her name.

Once at the Emergency room they did blood work, urine culture and chest x-rays. They monitored her, gave her lots of fluids and medication. She was getting more and more alert the longer we were there. It felt good to see her coming out of it. Marc came with the kids and there was such relief written on his face when he saw her sitting up and alert.

The x-rays showed that she had the very start of pneumonia. That caused the fever and the fever caused the seizure. They diagnosed her as having a febrile seizure. They said, even though they are scary to watch, they cause no long term damage. They gave her a prescription for an antibiotic for the pneumonia and told us to alternate between Motrin and Tylenol in order to keep the fever down. The doctor told us that she will probably have these seizures now every time she gets a high fever, so we have to do whatever it takes to keep her fevers down.

What I don't get is why she has never had one of these seizures before? Bella had cyclic fevers every month for 3 years (with her PFAPA). Fevers up to 106.8 and not once did she ever have a seizure! Why now? I am angry. I'm upset. And I feel like my heart is now in a million tiny pieces. After all she has been through.....I felt like we were finally breathing a sigh of relief. And now.....now I feel like I'm holding my breath again. My poor Bella.

Bella doesn't remember anything leading up to her chest x-ray. I am so grateful for that. Can you imagine how traumatic that would be if she did remember?

I need to set my alarm to make sure that Bella gets her Tylenol or Motrin every three hours. Not that I will probably be sleeping anyway. It's going to be a long night.

Blessings,
Heather